I feel a little bit awkward posting something about marriage…I am no expert on this subject, for sure! My friend asked me to post what she and I talked about so she could discuss it with some friends. J

My friend and I decided it is so ironic that the young adults of the church, who have the ultimate example of pure love and the key to happy marriage and family life, look to people who call lust love and can’t maintain healthy intimate relationships. We are tricked by the media into expecting things in a relationship instantly, things that can only be cultivated and earned through hard work, sacrifice, selflessness and commitment. Real lasting true love isn’t something that magically happens between two people. It is a gift that is given by Heavenly Father to those who draw close to Him and are willing to obey commandments and keep covenants.

We talked about some things that made me look at marriage in a whole new way. When we approach dating and finding someone to marry from the world’s perspective it can be a very competitive, selfish thing. Everyone is looking for the person who suits their needs best. I completely agree that people should look for someone who they are equally yoked with, someone with common long term goals and commitment to the gospel. However, sometimes I think we look for someone who will “make us happy.” Ultimately, we choose whether or not we are happy, regardless of who we marry. There are some situations that make being happy easier than others. Of course Heavenly Father wants us to be happily married.

I have realized more than ever that happiness in marriage is a combination of choosing an equal companion, with Heavenly Father’s help, and creating a happy marriage. It requires a lot of work. Happiness and love in marriage aren’t things that are magically present and if they are not you are out of luck. Couples must work together selflessly to create a happy relationship and home.

Realizing this has helped me see that the characteristics of kindness, patience, friendship, selflessness and charity are things that I need to develop and want in an eternal companion. If each person is more concerned about their spouse’s happiness than their own and are committed to Heavenly Father than a blissful marriage is definitely an attainable goal. When I look at guys who I date as a potential father of my children that helps me see more clearly what I should be looking for. When I view myself as a future mother that changes who I am trying to become.